The moment I started doubting myself (Part 2). The takeaway.

So originally I was going to write my own response based on this video. A beautiful video  reminding us to really look at how beautiful we are and take pride in the details of ourselves - or at least that is what I took from it. Next time I tell myself my butt is big, I'll remind myself that it's a beautiful curvaceous French butt from my great great grandmother ;)

But then I got some super valuable coaching last weekend that I was just that bit more inspired to share and sort of tied in anyway.

Last week I got where my fear in my capabilities came from. Where I began in my life to tell myself that I couldn't have success. That success was not something I could have. And so I have always half-finished or never quite fully completed or committed to projects, relationships of all levels, everything.

Now, if you've read the letter you'll notice it said to my seven year old self and might be thinking that a seven year old can't think all of those complex things at once. And that is true. But it planted a seed. "Something is wrong", "something is wrong with me". Small hints that then got chipped away at throughout the last fifteen or so years since.

I got I don't love myself. And so I was encouraged to throw myself into that letter to uncover just where I had fallen down the rabbit hole of self-sabotage. I wrote it crying, laughing and intrigued. I finished the letter and felt ten times more beautiful. I have begun to love myself again. Sure the gremlin of horror resurfaces every so often, but I get where I am self-sabotaging and so allowing others in. I told a guy he matters to me, I am allowing him to support me and being brave for the both of us.

My to-do list is moving again and switching up each week. I'm reaching levels I never thought I would with my creative work and allowing for it to happen. Considering my steps carefully and thinking fully. It is a beautiful thing to stand and admire one's work.

As for myself, I am more considerate of what is going on in my head. My inner dialogue.

And that is kind of it. Not much else to say. But wow is it relieving to have found it! Like dislodging a thorn in your side you didn't even realise was there!

Moving forward I give my word to:

  • Be fully considerate and mindful of each step of my blog makeover. Love and commit fully to each step of the process.
  • This Bank Holiday weekend: be fully present and in the moment with the important people in my life. Step away from the phone for five minutes!

It feels like there should be a third but I can't think just now...

I hope you have a lovely Easter and get time to switch off and be with the ones you love dearest. You got this!

Are you spending time with family or going on holiday?

Han x


*Brick Lane mural.