January Blues, or Revelations?
So it's the end of Semester One. My final Semester One as a student!! Crazy. It's been quite a ride. But this weekend has been the most roller coaster-ish of all. Normally I'm not a huge fan of gushing feelings online. But blogs are online diaries are they not? And I sort my problems out by talking about them, external processing if you will. I'm not ashamed that I have weaknesses and vulnerabilities. I am only human. It's something I am only just coming to terms with myself. What, being human Hannah?! How have you only just realised?!
Well, I thought I could do everything and be everything to everyone, but I'm finally beginning to come to terms with the fact that that is not true. I can't be, and it doesn't make me happy to try to be. So this is where this weekend comes in. The point of my story.
A really good friend of mine posted this picture online this week and I think it's so true.
The world is split into two types of people, extroverts and introverts, natural born leaders and natural born followers. Neither are better than the other, it's just what is. Call it biology or personality. It is what it is. I am an extrovert and I'd say I fall most naturally into being a leader. Nothing big-headed, it's just where I know I'm most happy. I listen to people, but I am happy to take lead.
The trouble with being lead however is that you always feel obligated to be strong for others, to shrug off your own problems. But those problems will come out eventually, and consequently can hit a lot harder. I've found that I've been putting myself down a lot lately. I've been trying to be the perfect student in class, but as soon as I cut myself some slack I overdo it. I've got drunk, said and done some stupid things and the only reason I can think I've done this is because I've mentally been holding myself back, going from one extreme to the other. It's not healthy! I've woken up a couple of times recently not been able to figure out my motives for said actions, and that's terrifying!
I've been trying to be something I thought everyone else wanted me to be but of course: who even is that?! The strongest people have lows, the strongest people slip up, and the strongest people have doubts. It's part of being human.
I've felt more frequently vulnerable than I used to recently. But it's because it's time to move on. The situation no longer works for you!
When your jeans don't fit, you bin 'em, you recycle them, or you give them away/sell them. This weekend has been a good way of showing me I need "new jeans".
I know this is all vague, but I've found drama lingers the more you talk about it. And if I'm honest, I'm bored of thinking about it. All you need to know, dear reader, is that you have gut instincts and experiences for a reason. Don't ignore them! Listen to yourself, and act in the way that's healthiest for you!
You can either think of January as a depressing month of blues, or you can think of it as a transition period. A time to rethink and start again. To have revelations and work forward with them. I choose the latter! I choose to reevaluate and listen to want I need.
All experience is good experience. So now I pick new ones. New stories.
Happy January, and happy transitioning!
Be vulnerable, be brave! Have an adventure!! Xxx