Han Meets Change.
"I think it's beautiful the way you sparkle when you talk about the things you love" Atticus Poems
The other day I read an article on Medium that it is good to keep a blog or a journal about your journey to success. It is a good way release your thoughts and keep moving - and maybe your audience will find something in it too.
Now I realise this was always my intention with this blog, however I can admit I was beginning to get worried that I wasn't sounding brave enough here. Between adjusting to a new job and the hurricane effect of the algorithm changes on social media, I worried that my content was not up to par anymore.
Then it hit me. All my life I have always had something to work towards. That keeps the fire alive. School. Uni. Graduation. "Making it" in London. 1000 followers on Instagram. You get the idea.
Don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for where I have been and what I now have and am. I have done many things, had many experiences and had many things. A lot of them that, as a kid, seemed fanciful and dream-like. Fashion Week to name one of them.
But, I thought I would feel something by being here. Proud of myself? Yes. I got somewhere I set my mind to. Fulfilled and following my passion? Not just yet.
When people say that your twenties is the time to experiment and to get to know who you are, trust them! In simply following my curiosities, I have learned a lot and got to give many things a try. Working for start-ups, working for corporates, working in London, the list goes on. Do I like the gym, would I rather find classes? Do I look better blonde or brunette?
And this blog has held me accountable for it all. If I hadn't had you guys and gals, I would have probably hidden in a corner and given up. Settled.
Speaking to Mumma T the other day, I came to the conclusion that I am now at a place where I can comfortably say that I know who I am. I have tried on different personalities, had experiences that once seemed fanciful and floated from life situation to the next.
Now, I've reached a pivotal point where I want to be more mindful. The danger I find is that once we've found a comfortable-feeling place in life, we switch off a bit and sort of let life happen to us instead of continuing to be command of it. I would go as far as to say that comfortable is almost more stressful, for me anyway.
No plan, no diary, no purpose. And what is life without some purpose?
We all know that when a person loves doing something, they are engrossed. They are lit up. They are quite literally glowing and flourishing. Neither excuses nor negativity will stop them. Everything down to following and content flows when we love what we are doing.
The question I always come back to is: if bills didn't need to be paid, what would I do all day every day for the rest of my life?
In that moment, Mumma T said to me that we can either design our lives ourselves or let other people design them for us. But the only person who can care about designing your life is you.
Sat on the afternoon tea bus tour around central London, it gave us both time to sit and simply be. It felt good to let someone take the reigns for a second so I could think.
It was like the end of a cycle. No loose-ends. No minor what-ifs. Only, I know I want to do x and y and get to z. See, after a year of blogging, I came back from Brazil and told myself I had to start being sensible. Which sparked a lot of "well maybe I should try this"-es. Well, now I know for sure. I tried sensible.
And guess what, turns out I can't do it. Who-da thought?!
I am still just as curious about the wider world as when I first stepped off that plane in 2014. As much fun as heels and tailored outfits are, I will always favour tennis shoes and harem pants. I love speaking at least two languages a day. If I have an idea, I will always want to explore it.
I still love creating content for an audience as much as when I first started in 2013 and that's what I want to continue to do. But if I am to spend the time I do on my content, I want to make sure I am also doing it for me. To be conscious. Mindful. I want each piece to be a reflection of who I am, not a trend. Not what everyone else is doing.
If that means loosing a couple of followers then wonderful! Because that will bring in the crowd who will benefit and the crowd I want to attract.
What I want to convey through this post is simply that you may see a slight change in tone on this blog, and on socials as I bring in the life I really want for myself. And while aesthetically it may look a little different, the underlying message will still be there. That you can achieve anything you set your mind to! You can have any life you want, if you choose it. (And let's be honest, I wouldn't be doing that if I continued to stay the same).
From here, I simply want this blog to reflect the life I want for myself too. To explore this incredible world and continue to grow into myself.
*And deep exhale*
This all felt a little scary to write. Thank you for making it this far <3
For you, you now understand where I've been coming from and why my socials may have seemed a little off. For me, this was a productive and almost cathartic exercise in releasing some worry so I can now move on. Thank you!
Already, I feel like a weight has been lifted and now I can just focus on the next step.
How do you unwind so that you can move freely again?